America has the best Chinese food…
Halloween party last night:
Guy: who are you supposed to be?
Me: someone’s daughter…
Today, I saw a female cab driver. What glass ceiling, ladies?
Come Halloween, if you’re a female in your early 20’s and dressed in regular clothing, I’m going to assume you’re going as Amanda Knox.
I’m 5’-7”. What the hell have you done with your life??
I’m my parents only child (except for my sister)
The Kindle, Nook, and the iPad are making it really hard to judge a book by its cover
A lot of guys would be ‘my type’ if they had better personalities
"When I look good with a pixie haircut" is my new "when pigs fly"
My birthday was 6 months ago but just think how surprised I would be if you threw me a surprise party now…
I wish I had a boyfriend so that he can help me move and go to the movies in the middle of the day. Besides that I think I’m good and need some space. In fact, we should probably see other people.
On my days off I enjoy: watching tv in my pj’s, talking shit about people, and drinking wine that has been sitting (unopened) in my car for the past month.
That will be my bio for my online dating profile.
I know you haven’t seen me in 2 years but that is no excuse not to compliment mah new haircut!!
Word of advice, telling someone (who is clearly upset) to calm down is one of the meanest things that you can do. If you’re going to do that just go ahead and punch their mom as well because it doesn’t get worse
I don’t mess with pregnant women because it’s at least two against one…